From here on out I'm going to start using this thing
for myself
not to tell other people little tidbits and highlights of my life
because you don't know me if all you get is highlights

I'm goung to start using this to figure myself out
because right now, I've got no clue
if you're interested in watching me rant about everything
that crosses my mind
great, more power to you

but I'm not expecting people to read this
I might post alot, I might dissapear for a long time
but I need a me change. now.
and it's coming on fast,
so if you don't want your f-list crammed with rants
you might not want to watch my Journal or anything
I'm going to put all my shit out there

Just a heads up to you all.

Yes, I am excited
not about meeting Cobra Starship
Or about the Upcoming blink concert
Or about anything music related
which is what I'm usually excited about

I'm excited becuase they found my Classmate
She ran away from home three weeks ago
They found her in Orlando, Florida
I don't know all the details yet
but I know she's safe and being brought home
Which is great news

While she was missing the kids were more informed
on the entire situation than the media was
Facebook and Text messaging had us all in the know
we were told by close friends she was safe the whole time
but now we're actually postive she is ^_^

Uhh.... it's my 16th birthday

: ]

So my Twin is home
I am so happy
Holy Fuck I missed her

And I am uber happy
Because I got to see melissa
and Give her hugs! YAY!
that made my day man

So yeah,  I did a horrible job driving today
I nearly crashed us
multiple times
story blow the cut
(melissa, it's more than just the drive over
I nearly crashed on the drive home too, several times)

( my scary driving trip )

I have no idea what's been going on in my mind lately
I've had my emotions fairly under control the past few days
But I've been incredibly exhausted and unable to sleep
That's fairly normal for me though, I really do think I'm an insomnic

So yeah, I'm feeling alot more mellow now
I still wish I had gone to camp
my Twin keeps texting me
I miss her like crazy
I don't like being away from her for so long
the last time we were apart this long was like 7 years ago
when she started going to that camp.

I miss mah twin. *sadface*

This is the start of the week from hell



My mom is now gone for a  week on a buisness trip

Kels just left for camp

I regret not going to camp



I'm not getting along well with half my friends

the other half are gone away somewhere



I feel depressed and I can't fucking fix it

and I feel lost alone and forgotten

even though I have no reason too

I can't stop being rediculous



and to top it off, I just got my work schedule for the next few weeks

guess who has a 5 hour shift on her 16th birthday? yeah, me.



I hate all of this

I want to quit

not work

life.

So I realized something today
I'm the stupid loser friend no one really wants around
I'm the second choice in plans
and the one people hang out with when no one else is free

so I'm done trying
I'm done trying so hard to make myself cool
or to fit in, or to make other people happy

I'm done with people in general
I'm sick of this shit
and I'm sick of myself

I'm done with all of this.

I feel so all over the place.

I feel bipolar or something
one minute I'm so excited
the next don't care about anything
one day I want to do everything and take on the world
the next I don't want to do anything
one day I'm tired and sleep all day
the next I'm insomnic
I hate swimming
but then I love it

I'm all over the place and it's starting to get to me
I can't figure out what's going on
IDK I'm just venting.

I feel so messed up now
today was the last day of school, and should have been happy.
It wasn't, the school was full of cyring people and soft whipers

My Personal Finance Teacher Died last night

It's so wierd, he was bright and alive the day before, he can't just be dead now, it seems so unreal.
He's worked at the school for 25 years, and he had a massive heart attack and died last night. He was just starting to live healty. HE apparently had a massive heart attack and died, and one of his sons found him.

Today we all went over memories of him, like how he always wore bright obnoxious colours and was out there and excentric and was nice to everyone. I remember just wednesday I had his exam and we bought him a frosty so he would let us eat our Wendy's in class.

I can't believe he's just gone

just two weeks ago he taught us about life insurance and saying hopefully he wouldn't have to worry about it for a long time.
I feel bad for his two freshman sons,
they were twins, which is why he liked me and my twin and understood him, he had us both the same period.

RIP Mr. Stuart

I finally have time to just sit down and write something, so I suppose I will

I've been working on new fics lately, practicing more guitar, ignoring my school studies and going absolutely mental.

( Of Disrepecting Kind Women, Invitations to Vegas:Interrogation style, and possibly House MD? )

so yeah, that's just a random little rant

I was up this morning desperately trying to review form my exam and finish my notes Binder for AP, and at 5:45, my school called in with a closing, I was watching the news and when it said that, my jaw literally DROPPEd my school never closes. Then I ran around like a kid with candy.

and when the excitemet faded, I texted all my friends, just sweet revenge for all the 6:00AM texts they would send ME when school was cancelled and I could have been sleepimng. Payback is a bitch. ha.

NO FUCKING AP EXAMS! 

why can't we always have good times like these?



why is he always angry, and why does it always seem to be my fault?

I've never felt so surrounded by people I love, yet so Alone at the same time

My brain is out of sorts I think, It has been lately.

I don't know, I feel like I need more in my life than what I've got, I think I'm stuck.

I've been hit hard lately with the pressure to really make something of my life, all the things I'm good at are something I'd never want to make a living out of, and what I do love, I'm not good at.

I don't know, I'm stuck in a rut.

I've been spending tons of time with friends and family lately, but I feel alone.

I feel so stupid for telling her no.....but my pride won't let me go back and fix what I broke.